Opening The Memory Box

If someone asked me what I remember most about Evalyn, my answer would be simple; her hands. I remember the midwife taking her away immediately after birth at my request. I felt her leaving my body, saw a quick flash of her hair as the midwife swept her into her arms and out of the…

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New Year Musings

On 31st December last year, I wrote the following in my diary: New Years Eve. It tends to be a day when people look back on the year they've just had and pick out their best moments. But for us, 2016, you have been nothing but turmoil. This year feels like a bad dream that…

Reflecting and Resurfacing

*TRIGGER* (This article talks about pregnancy after loss)   It was early morning and we were just walking out of one of the hospital rooms after a CTG when I saw it on the wall. It was a laminated picture of a blue and black butterfly and an explanation underneath informing people to remain quiet…

Hello, Little One . . . .

    **** TRIGGER WARNING **** On 8th November 2016, our lives were changed forever when our Evalyn was born sleeping. Nothing can quite prepare you for the impact the loss of a baby has on your lives and we have spent the past year grieving Evalyn, missing Evalyn and trying to raise awareness for…

One Year Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…

The Long Run

We were standing near the starting line when a woman we didn't know came over and pulled us all into a warm embrace. "I'm so sorry," she said, pointing to our SANDS tops. She too was wearing a similar one. "It's just an awful thing to have to go through. I'm running for my Grandson."…

Photography: A New Venture

  When I was six years old, myself and my brother won a photography competition with Kodak. Our winning photo was of us playing in our garden during a Summer's day. Our paddling pool had a whale in the middle of it that squirted water and the photograph showed us squealing in delight under the…

Be Gentle With Yourself

Learning to live after loss is a slow process. It is easy for an outsider to see a grieving person months later, to see them laughing and smiling and be thankful that they look like they are in a happier place. But I can assure you, we haven't moved on. We are just learning to…

A Little Mint Heart On The Wall

"It's perfect!!" I smiled at Nick, "It is exactly what I wanted! Our baby will love it!" It was October, and Nick had just finished painting the last wall in Evalyn's nursery. I had spent the previous weeks making decisions on what colours to choose and where her furniture should go. It had been so…

The “In-Between” Parent

On the day our daughter was stillborn, we were granted entry into a surreal new world of the "in-between parent". A place where you are allowed to experience everything the prospect of becoming a parent to a new baby brings; growing your child inside of you, attending scans, choosing names, announcing to friends and family,…