Peace, Reflection and Long Summer Days

Dear Evalyn, It was two years ago that we spent our first and only Summer together. And I have spent alot of time over this passing month contemplating this. We had our moments that year, but I feel that spending those long, hot days with my head over a toliet bowl wasn't how I'd intended…

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Parenting a Rainbow

**Trigger : pregnancy / baby after loss**   This time last year I was about four months pregnant with Iola. On the outside, I was a pregnant woman with a blossoming bump and a future that was about to be changed in the most wonderful of ways. But on the inside, I would go to…

Back In The Ocean

**Trigger: This post refers to baby after loss**   I knew it was coming. I could feel it. It's been a storm in the distance for quite some time, gathering pace, and so far I have been able to avoid it by constantly moving and darting out of its way when it has neared too…

Bryan

**Triggers: pregnancy after loss / rainbow baby ** Explaining death to a four year old was never going to be easy. Where do you start? How do you start to explain that the perfect little world that they live in can sometimes be full of sorrow and heartache? How do you even begin to find…

Growing Up and Knowing More

Dear Ieuan, We were on our way home from your swimming lesson when you said it. The clouds that had been slowly rolling their way in throughout the course of the afternoon were now dispelling their contents in large raindrops on the car windscreen. The sun was beginning to be swallowed by the grey sky…

Making Memories Without You

**Trigger: this post refers to pregnancy/baby after loss **   Dear Evalyn, We went on our second holiday without you this month. Last year, on our first holiday without you, we found out we were pregnant with your sister and this year she was right there with us. But don't think for a single moment…

Teardrops and Two Lines

*TRIGGER WARNING . . . This blog talks about pregnancy after loss*   It was the early hours of the morning and I was sat on the windowsill of the hospital suite looking out across the courtyard at the opposite side of the building. I watched through the windows as life carried on outside of…

The Blues

**Trigger Warning: This post talks about Pregnancy After Loss **   It took me a long time to love my son. With hindsight, that seems like an inconcievable thought. I look at him now as the beautiful five-year-old that he is and can't imagine a world with him not in it. But back then, in…

Opening The Memory Box

If someone asked me what I remember most about Evalyn, my answer would be simple; her hands. I remember the midwife taking her away immediately after birth at my request. I felt her leaving my body, saw a quick flash of her hair as the midwife swept her into her arms and out of the…

Flowers and Feelings

"They're beautiful!" I smiled at the delivery driver as she handed me the bouquet of flowers. I watched her walk back to her car before shutting the front door and turned to find Ieuan standing behind me. "Look at these!," I said to him, "Shall we go and find a nice vase to put them…