“That’s life. You just have to get on with it.”

I'm not sure why we were discussing funerals. I was a teenager standing on the stairs in our family home and my nan was fixing me with a stubborn glare that the women in our family have inherited and the men in our family know all too well. "I don't want anyone turning up at…

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Triggers

"A trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound or sight that triggers feelings of trauma." I folded the clothes neatly into a pile and placed them into the bag ready to go to the charity shop. Some of the jumpers were nearly new and had only been worn a handful of…

Nan

The women who have come before me in our family tree have always had a strong attidude when it comes to death. But for someone who has inherited my emotional side from my dad, this has at times been a hard act to follow. On the day my Grandad passed away, I sat on my…

Catching The Bad Dreams

The week after Evalyn passed away, I remember waking up in the night to the sound of Ieuan crying out in his sleep. Nick and I leapt from our bed and ran to his room by which time, Ieuan had already woken himself up. "What were you dreaming about, darling?" I asked him as I…

Finding Humour In Grief

The room that was already small was made to feel even smaller by the fact there were already two other families waiting in it. The receptionist had called it a 'waiting room' but I was pretty sure that at one time throughout history it had actually been a cupboard. I clung to the paperwork that…

Interviewing Nick: A Loss Dad’s Perspective

"The problem with being a dad to a stillborn child is that people assume that because you are a man, you are somehow less affected by the loss," Nick told me the other night, "I'd like to write a blog post about it one day but I don't know where to start. How do you…

My Happy Challenge

Ieuan made me laugh last week and as I caught a glimpse of myself in my bedroom mirror, I didn't recognise the woman smiling back. It was at this point that I realised that I don't laugh as much as I used to. Grief will do that to you. There have been times when I…

Misconceptions Of Baby Loss

In the nine short months since Evalyn died, we have become more aware of the misconceptions about stillbirth and baby loss. In a way, it's understandable. Society prefers to cover its ears and avoid the subject when the words "dead baby" are thrown into conversation. But that means we don't talk about it. And it…

Ela Bear

I'm not really sure when it was during our pregnancy that Evalyn became a possible name on our 'baby name list'. We had a couple of possible names for a boy but for some reason we just couldn't find the right one for a girl. It was made all the more difficult because we wanted…

Asking For Help and Raising Awareness

  One of the hardest things to do in life is to ask for help. It's even harder when you don't know where to seek it from. The main problem that I have found with the topic of stillbirth is that it is almost hidden from society. We talk about death. We discuss the passing…