Finding Humour In Grief

The room that was already small was made to feel even smaller by the fact there were already two other families waiting in it. The receptionist had called it a 'waiting room' but I was pretty sure that at one time throughout history it had actually been a cupboard. I clung to the paperwork that…

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Interviewing Nick: A Loss Dad’s Perspective

"The problem with being a dad to a stillborn child is that people assume that because you are a man, you are somehow less affected by the loss," Nick told me the other night, "I'd like to write a blog post about it one day but I don't know where to start. How do you…

My Happy Challenge

Ieuan made me laugh last week and as I caught a glimpse of myself in my bedroom mirror, I didn't recognise the woman smiling back. It was at this point that I realised that I don't laugh as much as I used to. Grief will do that to you. There have been times when I…

Misconceptions Of Baby Loss

In the nine short months since Evalyn died, we have become more aware of the misconceptions about stillbirth and baby loss. In a way, it's understandable. Society prefers to cover its ears and avoid the subject when the words "dead baby" are thrown into conversation. But that means we don't talk about it. And it…

Ela Bear

I'm not really sure when it was during our pregnancy that Evalyn became a possible name on our 'baby name list'. We had a couple of possible names for a boy but for some reason we just couldn't find the right one for a girl. It was made all the more difficult because we wanted…

Asking For Help and Raising Awareness

  One of the hardest things to do in life is to ask for help. It's even harder when you don't know where to seek it from. The main problem that I have found with the topic of stillbirth is that it is almost hidden from society. We talk about death. We discuss the passing…

Breaking The Taboo

It was the first day of the year that felt like spring and the park was full. Everybody seemed to be taking advantage of the good weather and parents seemed eager to get their children out into the sunshine before it set for the day. I watched Ieuan pull himself up onto the climbing frame,…

For The Love of a Pug

We have always wanted a dog. But we wanted to do it right. Me and Nick both worked full time and it wouldn't have been fair to introduce a dog into our family when we weren't around to care for it properly. In February 2016, I fell pregnant with Evalyn and that's when we formulated…

Grief . . . . My Enemy, My Friend

Grief, I'm slowly learning, is a process. I am sometimes a victim of my own projection. I often let my mind wander off too far into the distance, willing myself to reach a point in my life where everything hurts a little less. Then I slowly reel myself back to shore. I know that I…