It's taken me a long time to write this post. I've spent months typing words onto the screen, deleting them and rewriting them again. I have spent every month since the day we lost her telling the world Evalyn's story and although I have directed some of my blogs towards certain moments, I have never…
"A trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound or sight that triggers feelings of trauma." I folded the clothes neatly into a pile and placed them into the bag ready to go to the charity shop. Some of the jumpers were nearly new and had only been worn a handful of…
The week after Evalyn passed away, I remember waking up in the night to the sound of Ieuan crying out in his sleep. Nick and I leapt from our bed and ran to his room by which time, Ieuan had already woken himself up. "What were you dreaming about, darling?" I asked him as I…
When Evalyn died, the very kind midwives who looked after us made up a memory box for us to take home. It's a bit like being given the consolation prize in a horrific game show. . . . "Thank You, Lyndsey and Nick, for taking part in 'Creating Life' but unfortunately, you are not winners…
"Congratulations," my text said, "Enjoy every moment with your little girl. Love to you all." I hit the send button, put my phone down on the table and cried. I think that was the moment I truly realised how much my attidude towards pregnancy and birth has changed since losing Evalyn only four short months…
This time last year, I was in the very early stages of pregnancy with Evalyn. I think back to the woman I was then, the excitement I felt when I found out we were expecting. We had spent so many months being disappointed but there it was - two lines on the test!! - and…
As parents, our main aim is to protect our children. When they cry as newborns through those long nights, we go to them. When they scrape their knee and recoil at the sight of the red liquid on their skin, we're right there with a plaster. When they fall out with friends, we tell them it…
I never really used to notice rainbows. My son, Ieuan, was the one who'd get excited over the arch of colours that appeared in the sky. "Look, mum! LOOK!", he'd exclaim, his little face full of excitement, "Where do they come from?" "Well," I told him, "rainbows appear when it's sunny and rainy together. Rainbows…
I spent days after Evalyn's death looking through library bookshelves trying to find a story I could read to my four-year-old son so that he could understand a little better why his sister wasn't with us anymore. But I couldn't find a story that was right for him. Evalyn was stillborn. She was not ill.…
On the day our daughter was stillborn, we were granted entry into a surreal new world of the "in-between parent". A place where you are allowed to experience everything the prospect of becoming a parent to a new baby brings; growing your child inside of you, attending scans, choosing names, announcing to friends and family,…
After Evalyn 