The Blues

**Trigger Warning: This post talks about Pregnancy After Loss **   It took me a long time to love my son. With hindsight, that seems like an inconcievable thought. I look at him now as the beautiful five-year-old that he is and can't imagine a world with him not in it. But back then, in…

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Sharing Stories

It has nearly been a whole year since I started my blog. A whole year spent writing about our Evalyn and telling her story, trying to raise awareness and fundraising for baby loss charities. . . . A whole year spent talking about my little girl. Evalyn's story doesn't change. That's the thing I've realised…

Opening The Memory Box

If someone asked me what I remember most about Evalyn, my answer would be simple; her hands. I remember the midwife taking her away immediately after birth at my request. I felt her leaving my body, saw a quick flash of her hair as the midwife swept her into her arms and out of the…

Flowers and Feelings

"They're beautiful!" I smiled at the delivery driver as she handed me the bouquet of flowers. I watched her walk back to her car before shutting the front door and turned to find Ieuan standing behind me. "Look at these!," I said to him, "Shall we go and find a nice vase to put them…

New Year Musings

On 31st December last year, I wrote the following in my diary: New Years Eve. It tends to be a day when people look back on the year they've just had and pick out their best moments. But for us, 2016, you have been nothing but turmoil. This year feels like a bad dream that…

Another Christmas Without You

Dear Evalyn, I remember visiting your special place last Christmas. I remember the heaviness that weighed down on my chest and I have come to realise over this year that this is the feeling of missing you. I remember families who had ventured to the same woods walking by where we stood, probably wondering to…

Reflecting and Resurfacing

*TRIGGER* (This article talks about pregnancy after loss)   It was early morning and we were just walking out of one of the hospital rooms after a CTG when I saw it on the wall. It was a laminated picture of a blue and black butterfly and an explanation underneath informing people to remain quiet…

Hello, Little One . . . .

    **** TRIGGER WARNING **** On 8th November 2016, our lives were changed forever when our Evalyn was born sleeping. Nothing can quite prepare you for the impact the loss of a baby has on your lives and we have spent the past year grieving Evalyn, missing Evalyn and trying to raise awareness for…

One Year Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…

“You Are The Parents . . . ” (A Poem)

You are the parents whose hearts broke in two In the minute your own babies stopped. You are the parents who went back to a house, Empty arms, empty room, empty cot. You are the parents, those 1 in 4 parents Who people can't look in the eye. For how do you comfort a friend…