My Happy Challenge

Ieuan made me laugh last week and as I caught a glimpse of myself in my bedroom mirror, I didn't recognise the woman smiling back. It was at this point that I realised that I don't laugh as much as I used to. Grief will do that to you. There have been times when I…

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Misconceptions Of Baby Loss

In the nine short months since Evalyn died, we have become more aware of the misconceptions about stillbirth and baby loss. In a way, it's understandable. Society prefers to cover its ears and avoid the subject when the words "dead baby" are thrown into conversation. But that means we don't talk about it. And it…

Ela Bear

I'm not really sure when it was during our pregnancy that Evalyn became a possible name on our 'baby name list'. We had a couple of possible names for a boy but for some reason we just couldn't find the right one for a girl. It was made all the more difficult because we wanted…

Asking For Help and Raising Awareness

  One of the hardest things to do in life is to ask for help. It's even harder when you don't know where to seek it from. The main problem that I have found with the topic of stillbirth is that it is almost hidden from society. We talk about death. We discuss the passing…

Breaking Down and Building Up

I watched Ieuan carefully examining his birthday present. "What does the tag say?" I asked him. He squinted down at my handwriting as he began to sound out the words. "To Ieuan, love . . . . . . EVALYN!" He quickly unwrapped the paper and pulled the little brown teddy from the packaging. I…

Be Gentle With Yourself

Learning to live after loss is a slow process. It is easy for an outsider to see a grieving person months later, to see them laughing and smiling and be thankful that they look like they are in a happier place. But I can assure you, we haven't moved on. We are just learning to…

Two Mothers (a poem)

  She told them that the pain she felt was just too much to bear. They squeezed her arm and told her, "just hold on, you're nearly there." And sure enough the screams from her gave way to tiny cries, She grabbed her husband's hand and saw the pride fill up his eyes.   I…

Back To Square One

Will you try for another baby? It's a question I've been asked alot. It's a question that I've thought about alot. But it is also a complicated question. When we lost Evalyn, I remember turning to Nick in the early hours when sleep just wouldn't come. "This can't be it," I told him, "I don't…