Be Gentle With Yourself

Learning to live after loss is a slow process. It is easy for an outsider to see a grieving person months later, to see them laughing and smiling and be thankful that they look like they are in a happier place. But I can assure you, we haven't moved on. We are just learning to…

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Two Mothers (a poem)

  She told them that the pain she felt was just too much to bear. They squeezed her arm and told her, "just hold on, you're nearly there." And sure enough the screams from her gave way to tiny cries, She grabbed her husband's hand and saw the pride fill up his eyes.   I…

Back To Square One

Will you try for another baby? It's a question I've been asked alot. It's a question that I've thought about alot. But it is also a complicated question. When we lost Evalyn, I remember turning to Nick in the early hours when sleep just wouldn't come. "This can't be it," I told him, "I don't…

Breaking The Taboo

It was the first day of the year that felt like spring and the park was full. Everybody seemed to be taking advantage of the good weather and parents seemed eager to get their children out into the sunshine before it set for the day. I watched Ieuan pull himself up onto the climbing frame,…

Six Months

Dear Evalyn, According to the calendar that hangs on the wall, it has been six months since we lost you. In my head, it only feels like yesterday. Six months. It is hard not to contemplate all of the things you would have already achieved had life let us keep you. You would have had…

A Little Mint Heart On The Wall

"It's perfect!!" I smiled at Nick, "It is exactly what I wanted! Our baby will love it!" It was October, and Nick had just finished painting the last wall in Evalyn's nursery. I had spent the previous weeks making decisions on what colours to choose and where her furniture should go. It had been so…

Caves, Cheese and Contemplation

Last week we went on an 'escape-away' to Somerset. Four days away from our lives, and our first family break without Evalyn. I was always going to have mixed emotions. A small part of me wondered if it was too soon to try a family holiday. I mean, how could I possibly even contemplate being…