In the moment I learned that my daughters heart had stopped beating, my mind instantly began its search for answers. And in trying to list all of the ways that the unthinkable could have happened, the concept of blame quickly rose to the surface. Who was to blame for my daughter's death? Who should I…
Dear Evalyn, Do you know what I've realised in the two years since I last held you in my arms? Two years feels like yesterday. We don't move on as grieving parents. We have to move forward as the world continues to turn - even if we are unsure of the direction - but we…
Dear Evalyn, It was two years ago that we spent our first and only Summer together. And I have spent alot of time over this passing month contemplating this. We had our moments that year, but I feel that spending those long, hot days with my head over a toliet bowl wasn't how I'd intended…
**Triggers: pregnancy after loss / rainbow baby ** Explaining death to a four year old was never going to be easy. Where do you start? How do you start to explain that the perfect little world that they live in can sometimes be full of sorrow and heartache? How do you even begin to find…
Dear Ieuan, We were on our way home from your swimming lesson when you said it. The clouds that had been slowly rolling their way in throughout the course of the afternoon were now dispelling their contents in large raindrops on the car windscreen. The sun was beginning to be swallowed by the grey sky…
**Trigger: this post refers to pregnancy/baby after loss ** Dear Evalyn, We went on our second holiday without you this month. Last year, on our first holiday without you, we found out we were pregnant with your sister and this year she was right there with us. But don't think for a single moment…
Dear Stranger, We haven't met yet. I'm not sure when that day will come. We may be standing next to eachother in the shopping queue or you may be on the next table over from us in a restaurant. Maybe you'll be the person sat next to me on a plane as we both travel…
** Trigger : This post speaks about pregnancy/parenting after loss** When Ieuan was 3 weeks old, I took him to a local Mum and Baby group and realised one hour in that it just wasn't for me. Ieuan was a Summer baby with both colic and reflux and an impressive ability to scream for…
Trigger: This post speaks about pregnancy after loss. The other day, I found myself sorting through some of Evalyn's paperwork. It's crazy to think that after 16 months, I am still finding little pieces around the house which all lead back to one thing . . . Her. This time, it was her maternity…
**Trigger Warning: This post talks about Pregnancy After Loss ** It took me a long time to love my son. With hindsight, that seems like an inconcievable thought. I look at him now as the beautiful five-year-old that he is and can't imagine a world with him not in it. But back then, in…
After Evalyn 