It has nearly been a whole year since I started my blog. A whole year spent writing about our Evalyn and telling her story, trying to raise awareness and fundraising for baby loss charities. . . . A whole year spent talking about my little girl. Evalyn's story doesn't change. That's the thing I've realised…
Opening The Memory Box
If someone asked me what I remember most about Evalyn, my answer would be simple; her hands. I remember the midwife taking her away immediately after birth at my request. I felt her leaving my body, saw a quick flash of her hair as the midwife swept her into her arms and out of the…
Flowers and Feelings
"They're beautiful!" I smiled at the delivery driver as she handed me the bouquet of flowers. I watched her walk back to her car before shutting the front door and turned to find Ieuan standing behind me. "Look at these!," I said to him, "Shall we go and find a nice vase to put them…
Another Christmas Without You
Dear Evalyn, I remember visiting your special place last Christmas. I remember the heaviness that weighed down on my chest and I have come to realise over this year that this is the feeling of missing you. I remember families who had ventured to the same woods walking by where we stood, probably wondering to…
One Year Without You
Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…
“You Are The Parents . . . ” (A Poem)
You are the parents whose hearts broke in two In the minute your own babies stopped. You are the parents who went back to a house, Empty arms, empty room, empty cot. You are the parents, those 1 in 4 parents Who people can't look in the eye. For how do you comfort a friend…
“That’s life. You just have to get on with it.”
I'm not sure why we were discussing funerals. I was a teenager standing on the stairs in our family home and my nan was fixing me with a stubborn glare that the women in our family have inherited and the men in our family know all too well. "I don't want anyone turning up at…
Triggers
"A trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound or sight that triggers feelings of trauma." I folded the clothes neatly into a pile and placed them into the bag ready to go to the charity shop. Some of the jumpers were nearly new and had only been worn a handful of…
Work Decisions
I had a plan. When I sat down last Summer with my maternity leave form in front of me, I was very clear in my mind as to what my plan would be: 1. Have my baby. 2. Take a year's maternity leave. 3. After a year, return to work so I could financially support…
Nan
The women who have come before me in our family tree have always had a strong attidude when it comes to death. But for someone who has inherited my emotional side from my dad, this has at times been a hard act to follow. On the day my Grandad passed away, I sat on my…
After Evalyn 