** Trigger : This post speaks about pregnancy/parenting after loss** When Ieuan was 3 weeks old, I took him to a local Mum and Baby group and realised one hour in that it just wasn't for me. Ieuan was a Summer baby with both colic and reflux and an impressive ability to scream for…
Trigger: This post speaks about pregnancy after loss. The other day, I found myself sorting through some of Evalyn's paperwork. It's crazy to think that after 16 months, I am still finding little pieces around the house which all lead back to one thing . . . Her. This time, it was her maternity…
*TRIGGER WARNING . . . This blog talks about pregnancy after loss* It was the early hours of the morning and I was sat on the windowsill of the hospital suite looking out across the courtyard at the opposite side of the building. I watched through the windows as life carried on outside of…
**Trigger Warning: This post talks about Pregnancy After Loss ** It took me a long time to love my son. With hindsight, that seems like an inconcievable thought. I look at him now as the beautiful five-year-old that he is and can't imagine a world with him not in it. But back then, in…
It has nearly been a whole year since I started my blog. A whole year spent writing about our Evalyn and telling her story, trying to raise awareness and fundraising for baby loss charities. . . . A whole year spent talking about my little girl. Evalyn's story doesn't change. That's the thing I've realised…
If someone asked me what I remember most about Evalyn, my answer would be simple; her hands. I remember the midwife taking her away immediately after birth at my request. I felt her leaving my body, saw a quick flash of her hair as the midwife swept her into her arms and out of the…
"They're beautiful!" I smiled at the delivery driver as she handed me the bouquet of flowers. I watched her walk back to her car before shutting the front door and turned to find Ieuan standing behind me. "Look at these!," I said to him, "Shall we go and find a nice vase to put them…
On 31st December last year, I wrote the following in my diary: New Years Eve. It tends to be a day when people look back on the year they've just had and pick out their best moments. But for us, 2016, you have been nothing but turmoil. This year feels like a bad dream that…
Dear Evalyn, I remember visiting your special place last Christmas. I remember the heaviness that weighed down on my chest and I have come to realise over this year that this is the feeling of missing you. I remember families who had ventured to the same woods walking by where we stood, probably wondering to…
*TRIGGER* (This article talks about pregnancy after loss) It was early morning and we were just walking out of one of the hospital rooms after a CTG when I saw it on the wall. It was a laminated picture of a blue and black butterfly and an explanation underneath informing people to remain quiet…
After Evalyn 