I'm not really sure when it was during our pregnancy that Evalyn became a possible name on our 'baby name list'. We had a couple of possible names for a boy but for some reason we just couldn't find the right one for a girl. It was made all the more difficult because we wanted…
One of the hardest things to do in life is to ask for help. It's even harder when you don't know where to seek it from. The main problem that I have found with the topic of stillbirth is that it is almost hidden from society. We talk about death. We discuss the passing…
I watched Ieuan carefully examining his birthday present. "What does the tag say?" I asked him. He squinted down at my handwriting as he began to sound out the words. "To Ieuan, love . . . . . . EVALYN!" He quickly unwrapped the paper and pulled the little brown teddy from the packaging. I…
We were already running late for the school run when Ieuan looked up at me and asked me a simple question. "Mum? What do you think Evalyn will buy me for my birthday?" It is the hardest thing to look your child in the eye whilst trying to stop your own from filling with tears.…
Learning to live after loss is a slow process. It is easy for an outsider to see a grieving person months later, to see them laughing and smiling and be thankful that they look like they are in a happier place. But I can assure you, we haven't moved on. We are just learning to…
She told them that the pain she felt was just too much to bear. They squeezed her arm and told her, "just hold on, you're nearly there." And sure enough the screams from her gave way to tiny cries, She grabbed her husband's hand and saw the pride fill up his eyes. I…
Have you ever found yourself standing in a room and all you can think is I shouldn't be here? A few weeks after losing Evalyn, I stood in the funeral directors wanting to scream at the salmon-coloured walls. Why was I here? Why me? What had I done to deserve this? Why had life chosen…
Will you try for another baby? It's a question I've been asked alot. It's a question that I've thought about alot. But it is also a complicated question. When we lost Evalyn, I remember turning to Nick in the early hours when sleep just wouldn't come. "This can't be it," I told him, "I don't…
It was the first day of the year that felt like spring and the park was full. Everybody seemed to be taking advantage of the good weather and parents seemed eager to get their children out into the sunshine before it set for the day. I watched Ieuan pull himself up onto the climbing frame,…
Dear Evalyn, According to the calendar that hangs on the wall, it has been six months since we lost you. In my head, it only feels like yesterday. Six months. It is hard not to contemplate all of the things you would have already achieved had life let us keep you. You would have had…
After Evalyn 