“Is she your first?”

  People have inquisitive minds. They see a bump or a baby and pressume that you are a glowing parent. That you are excited. That you are not grieving. "Is this your first?" This question used to bother me during pregnancy after loss. "Is this your first?" used to scare me. Because I refused to…

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Please Don’t Call Her Stillborn (a poem)

"I see you've had a stillbirth," the doctor said to me. She looked up from my notes and smiled, as if I would agree. "I think perhaps you've read that wrong," I carefully replied, "I had a little baby girl and, yes, my baby died." "But your daughter, she was stillborn, yes?" the doctor asked…

Let’s Make The World Listen

  Next month is baby loss awareness week (9th-15th October) and just like last year, I will be trying my best to raise as much awareness as possible by not only sharing Evalyn's story, but by supporting other parents and families who have also lost a little one. I have also been lucky to have…

Parenting a Rainbow

**Trigger : pregnancy / baby after loss**   This time last year I was about four months pregnant with Iola. On the outside, I was a pregnant woman with a blossoming bump and a future that was about to be changed in the most wonderful of ways. But on the inside, I would go to…

Growing Up and Knowing More

Dear Ieuan, We were on our way home from your swimming lesson when you said it. The clouds that had been slowly rolling their way in throughout the course of the afternoon were now dispelling their contents in large raindrops on the car windscreen. The sun was beginning to be swallowed by the grey sky…

Kelly

** Trigger: This blog post refers to pregnancy after loss**   She told me her name was Kelly. And then she gave me the one thing nobody other than my husband had given me that morning. A hug. Up until that moment, nobody else had thought to do that. The Doctor who told me your…

Outside Of The Mums Club

** Trigger : This post speaks about pregnancy/parenting after loss**   When Ieuan was 3 weeks old, I took him to a local Mum and Baby group and realised one hour in that it just wasn't for me. Ieuan was a Summer baby with both colic and reflux and an impressive ability to scream for…

The Impact Of Stillbirth

Trigger: This post speaks about pregnancy after loss.   The other day, I found myself sorting through some of Evalyn's paperwork. It's crazy to think that after 16 months, I am still finding little pieces around the house which all lead back to one thing . . . Her. This time, it was her maternity…

Teardrops and Two Lines

*TRIGGER WARNING . . . This blog talks about pregnancy after loss*   It was the early hours of the morning and I was sat on the windowsill of the hospital suite looking out across the courtyard at the opposite side of the building. I watched through the windows as life carried on outside of…

The Blues

**Trigger Warning: This post talks about Pregnancy After Loss **   It took me a long time to love my son. With hindsight, that seems like an inconcievable thought. I look at him now as the beautiful five-year-old that he is and can't imagine a world with him not in it. But back then, in…