*TRIGGER* (This article talks about pregnancy after loss) It was early morning and we were just walking out of one of the hospital rooms after a CTG when I saw it on the wall. It was a laminated picture of a blue and black butterfly and an explanation underneath informing people to remain quiet…
Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…
You are the parents whose hearts broke in two In the minute your own babies stopped. You are the parents who went back to a house, Empty arms, empty room, empty cot. You are the parents, those 1 in 4 parents Who people can't look in the eye. For how do you comfort a friend…
We were standing near the starting line when a woman we didn't know came over and pulled us all into a warm embrace. "I'm so sorry," she said, pointing to our SANDS tops. She too was wearing a similar one. "It's just an awful thing to have to go through. I'm running for my Grandson."…
I glanced at my reflection one last time in the mirror, put down the hairspray and sighed. What was the point? I'd been working on the fly-away hairs for fifteen minutes and they were still no closer to obeying my orders to just stay put. Ahhhh postpartum hair regrowth! One more treat for mothers to…
I'm not sure why we were discussing funerals. I was a teenager standing on the stairs in our family home and my nan was fixing me with a stubborn glare that the women in our family have inherited and the men in our family know all too well. "I don't want anyone turning up at…
"A trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound or sight that triggers feelings of trauma." I folded the clothes neatly into a pile and placed them into the bag ready to go to the charity shop. Some of the jumpers were nearly new and had only been worn a handful of…
The women who have come before me in our family tree have always had a strong attidude when it comes to death. But for someone who has inherited my emotional side from my dad, this has at times been a hard act to follow. On the day my Grandad passed away, I sat on my…
The week after Evalyn passed away, I remember waking up in the night to the sound of Ieuan crying out in his sleep. Nick and I leapt from our bed and ran to his room by which time, Ieuan had already woken himself up. "What were you dreaming about, darling?" I asked him as I…
There's alot of literature out there about surviving life after loss. I should know. In the hours after losing Evalyn, my Google search was that of a desperate, grieving mother: How will I cope after losing my baby? How to cope after suffering a stillbirth. Stillbirth at 37 weeks +6. Will I be able to…
After Evalyn 