Until next year, November

Dear November, I'm going to be honest with you, you're not my favourite month of the year. In fact, for myself, you represent a time of pain, grief, loss and unknowing. I know it's not your fault, but I really don't like you. Last year I managed to avoid you to the best of my…

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Two Years Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you know what I've realised in the two years since I last held you in my arms? Two years feels like yesterday. We don't move on as grieving parents. We have to move forward as the world continues to turn - even if we are unsure of the direction - but we…

Peace, Reflection and Long Summer Days

Dear Evalyn, It was two years ago that we spent our first and only Summer together. And I have spent alot of time over this passing month contemplating this. We had our moments that year, but I feel that spending those long, hot days with my head over a toliet bowl wasn't how I'd intended…

Outside Of The Mums Club

** Trigger : This post speaks about pregnancy/parenting after loss**   When Ieuan was 3 weeks old, I took him to a local Mum and Baby group and realised one hour in that it just wasn't for me. Ieuan was a Summer baby with both colic and reflux and an impressive ability to scream for…

The Blues

**Trigger Warning: This post talks about Pregnancy After Loss **   It took me a long time to love my son. With hindsight, that seems like an inconcievable thought. I look at him now as the beautiful five-year-old that he is and can't imagine a world with him not in it. But back then, in…

Sharing Stories

It has nearly been a whole year since I started my blog. A whole year spent writing about our Evalyn and telling her story, trying to raise awareness and fundraising for baby loss charities. . . . A whole year spent talking about my little girl. Evalyn's story doesn't change. That's the thing I've realised…

Reflecting and Resurfacing

*TRIGGER* (This article talks about pregnancy after loss)   It was early morning and we were just walking out of one of the hospital rooms after a CTG when I saw it on the wall. It was a laminated picture of a blue and black butterfly and an explanation underneath informing people to remain quiet…

One Year Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…

“You Are The Parents . . . ” (A Poem)

You are the parents whose hearts broke in two In the minute your own babies stopped. You are the parents who went back to a house, Empty arms, empty room, empty cot. You are the parents, those 1 in 4 parents Who people can't look in the eye. For how do you comfort a friend…

Be Gentle With Yourself

Learning to live after loss is a slow process. It is easy for an outsider to see a grieving person months later, to see them laughing and smiling and be thankful that they look like they are in a happier place. But I can assure you, we haven't moved on. We are just learning to…