Dear Evalyn, I remember visiting your special place last Christmas. I remember the heaviness that weighed down on my chest and I have come to realise over this year that this is the feeling of missing you. I remember families who had ventured to the same woods walking by where we stood, probably wondering to…
Reflecting and Resurfacing
*TRIGGER* (This article talks about pregnancy after loss) It was early morning and we were just walking out of one of the hospital rooms after a CTG when I saw it on the wall. It was a laminated picture of a blue and black butterfly and an explanation underneath informing people to remain quiet…
Hello, Little One . . . .
**** TRIGGER WARNING **** On 8th November 2016, our lives were changed forever when our Evalyn was born sleeping. Nothing can quite prepare you for the impact the loss of a baby has on your lives and we have spent the past year grieving Evalyn, missing Evalyn and trying to raise awareness for…
One Year Without You
Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…
The Long Run
We were standing near the starting line when a woman we didn't know came over and pulled us all into a warm embrace. "I'm so sorry," she said, pointing to our SANDS tops. She too was wearing a similar one. "It's just an awful thing to have to go through. I'm running for my Grandson."…
Regrowth
I glanced at my reflection one last time in the mirror, put down the hairspray and sighed. What was the point? I'd been working on the fly-away hairs for fifteen minutes and they were still no closer to obeying my orders to just stay put. Ahhhh postpartum hair regrowth! One more treat for mothers to…
“That’s life. You just have to get on with it.”
I'm not sure why we were discussing funerals. I was a teenager standing on the stairs in our family home and my nan was fixing me with a stubborn glare that the women in our family have inherited and the men in our family know all too well. "I don't want anyone turning up at…
Work Decisions
I had a plan. When I sat down last Summer with my maternity leave form in front of me, I was very clear in my mind as to what my plan would be: 1. Have my baby. 2. Take a year's maternity leave. 3. After a year, return to work so I could financially support…
Catching The Bad Dreams
The week after Evalyn passed away, I remember waking up in the night to the sound of Ieuan crying out in his sleep. Nick and I leapt from our bed and ran to his room by which time, Ieuan had already woken himself up. "What were you dreaming about, darling?" I asked him as I…
Parenting After Loss
There's alot of literature out there about surviving life after loss. I should know. In the hours after losing Evalyn, my Google search was that of a desperate, grieving mother: How will I cope after losing my baby? How to cope after suffering a stillbirth. Stillbirth at 37 weeks +6. Will I be able to…
After Evalyn 