Two Years Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you know what I've realised in the two years since I last held you in my arms? Two years feels like yesterday. We don't move on as grieving parents. We have to move forward as the world continues to turn - even if we are unsure of the direction - but we…

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Evalyn’s Birth Story

It's taken me a long time to write this post. I've spent months typing words onto the screen, deleting them and rewriting them again. I have spent every month since the day we lost her telling the world Evalyn's story and although I have directed some of my blogs towards certain moments, I have never…

The World Didn’t See (a poem)

The world didn't see as he held her, How he kissed her cold cheek as he cried. Or how time seemed to stop and the ground opened up, When he heard that his baby had died.   The world didn't see him paint over, The room he'd made one month before. How he packed up…

Please Don’t Call Her Stillborn (a poem)

"I see you've had a stillbirth," the doctor said to me. She looked up from my notes and smiled, as if I would agree. "I think perhaps you've read that wrong," I carefully replied, "I had a little baby girl and, yes, my baby died." "But your daughter, she was stillborn, yes?" the doctor asked…

Let’s Make The World Listen

  Next month is baby loss awareness week (9th-15th October) and just like last year, I will be trying my best to raise as much awareness as possible by not only sharing Evalyn's story, but by supporting other parents and families who have also lost a little one. I have also been lucky to have…

Hibernation

It was September 2016 and Ieuan was asking me about the changing seasons. "If the leaves turn brown, does that mean that it's nearly Autumn?" "It does," I told him. I watched him excitedly put his little hands on either side of my pregnant tummy. "Did you hear that, baby?" he squealed into my skin,…

Peace, Reflection and Long Summer Days

Dear Evalyn, It was two years ago that we spent our first and only Summer together. And I have spent alot of time over this passing month contemplating this. We had our moments that year, but I feel that spending those long, hot days with my head over a toliet bowl wasn't how I'd intended…

Parenting a Rainbow

**Trigger : pregnancy / baby after loss**   This time last year I was about four months pregnant with Iola. On the outside, I was a pregnant woman with a blossoming bump and a future that was about to be changed in the most wonderful of ways. But on the inside, I would go to…

Back In The Ocean

**Trigger: This post refers to baby after loss**   I knew it was coming. I could feel it. It's been a storm in the distance for quite some time, gathering pace, and so far I have been able to avoid it by constantly moving and darting out of its way when it has neared too…