The November Entries

It goes against the grain of everything a diary should be when you decide to share the words within it. Secret. Confidential. Protected. For your eyes only. This particular diary isn't one I go back to often. After all, there's no need. I know the words that reside within them. Little passages of time that…

The Things I Wish My Husband Had Known

In my mind, I can still picture my husband standing in shock. I can still remember wanting to reach out to him, to utter words that would bring him comfort. But no words came. Hindsight. It is both beautiful and a curse. Because now I know the words I would have said to him yet…

The Butterfly Awards 2019

  For those who may not know, The Butterfly Awards  "is a beautiful, inspirational ceremony and dinner that celebrates the survivors and champions of baby loss" and I am so honoured to be named as a finalist in the Author/Blogger (international) catergory this year. I am so thankful to this ceremony that honours so many…

I Think I’ve Lived Less Without You

Dear Evalyn, Loss is meant to make us see the fragility of life. It is meant to make us see how much life should be cherished. How much it should be lived. Loss is meant to make us open our own doors outwards into the world and explore the beauty it holds, for we now…

Explanations

I was never prepared for the questions our four year old son asked us after Evalyn died. Why couldn't your tummy keep her alive, Mummy? Did she not love us enough to stay? Was she sad when she had to leave? He processed her death in the innocent way his mind knew how, and yet,…

“Is she your first?”

  People have inquisitive minds. They see a bump or a baby and pressume that you are a glowing parent. That you are excited. That you are not grieving. "Is this your first?" This question used to bother me during pregnancy after loss. "Is this your first?" used to scare me. Because I refused to…