Every year around your birthday, I write you a letter. But for some reason, the words for this one were harder to find. This letter has found its way back to my drafts folder more than enough times to bring about a mothers guilt. The words should be so easy. Because when it comes to…
In the moment I learned that my daughters heart had stopped beating, my mind instantly began its search for answers. And in trying to list all of the ways that the unthinkable could have happened, the concept of blame quickly rose to the surface. Who was to blame for my daughter's death? Who should I…
Dear Evalyn, Time itself tells us that it can heal us of our grief. That 'in time', we may not hurt as much. But I'm sitting here three years after I last held you in my arms and my tears still find a way to fall onto the letters as I type. Because three years…
Dear Iola, I always knew that parenting you would fill me with joy. I also knew that parenting you would be incredibly hard. Unlike your brother, you were born after loss. You were born into a world that exists after Evalyn. And as hard as I try, it is sometimes impossible to stop my own…
People have inquisitive minds. They see a bump or a baby and pressume that you are a glowing parent. That you are excited. That you are not grieving. "Is this your first?" This question used to bother me during pregnancy after loss. "Is this your first?" used to scare me. Because I refused to…
After Evalyn 