Aplogies In Advance (a letter to my rainbow baby)

Dear Iola, I always knew that parenting you would fill me with joy. I also knew that parenting you would be incredibly hard. Unlike your brother, you were born after loss. You were born into a world that exists after Evalyn. And as hard as I try, it is sometimes impossible to stop my own…

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“Is she your first?”

  People have inquisitive minds. They see a bump or a baby and pressume that you are a glowing parent. That you are excited. That you are not grieving. "Is this your first?" This question used to bother me during pregnancy after loss. "Is this your first?" used to scare me. Because I refused to…

Until next year, November

Dear November, I'm going to be honest with you, you're not my favourite month of the year. In fact, for myself, you represent a time of pain, grief, loss and unknowing. I know it's not your fault, but I really don't like you. Last year I managed to avoid you to the best of my…

Two Years Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you know what I've realised in the two years since I last held you in my arms? Two years feels like yesterday. We don't move on as grieving parents. We have to move forward as the world continues to turn - even if we are unsure of the direction - but we…

Evalyn’s Birth Story

It's taken me a long time to write this post. I've spent months typing words onto the screen, deleting them and rewriting them again. I have spent every month since the day we lost her telling the world Evalyn's story and although I have directed some of my blogs towards certain moments, I have never…

Please Don’t Call Her Stillborn (a poem)

"I see you've had a stillbirth," the doctor said to me. She looked up from my notes and smiled, as if I would agree. "I think perhaps you've read that wrong," I carefully replied, "I had a little baby girl and, yes, my baby died." "But your daughter, she was stillborn, yes?" the doctor asked…

Let’s Make The World Listen

  Next month is baby loss awareness week (9th-15th October) and just like last year, I will be trying my best to raise as much awareness as possible by not only sharing Evalyn's story, but by supporting other parents and families who have also lost a little one. I have also been lucky to have…

Hibernation

It was September 2016 and Ieuan was asking me about the changing seasons. "If the leaves turn brown, does that mean that it's nearly Autumn?" "It does," I told him. I watched him excitedly put his little hands on either side of my pregnant tummy. "Did you hear that, baby?" he squealed into my skin,…

Let’s Talk about Grief

Grief is so human and it hits everyone at one point or another, at least, in their lives. If you love, you will grieve, and that's just given - Kay Redfield Jamison   I thought I knew what grief was. The loss of family pets over the years and the death of my Grandfather when…