"A trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound or sight that triggers feelings of trauma." I folded the clothes neatly into a pile and placed them into the bag ready to go to the charity shop. Some of the jumpers were nearly new and had only been worn a handful of…
The women who have come before me in our family tree have always had a strong attidude when it comes to death. But for someone who has inherited my emotional side from my dad, this has at times been a hard act to follow. On the day my Grandad passed away, I sat on my…
There's alot of literature out there about surviving life after loss. I should know. In the hours after losing Evalyn, my Google search was that of a desperate, grieving mother: How will I cope after losing my baby? How to cope after suffering a stillbirth. Stillbirth at 37 weeks +6. Will I be able to…
The room that was already small was made to feel even smaller by the fact there were already two other families waiting in it. The receptionist had called it a 'waiting room' but I was pretty sure that at one time throughout history it had actually been a cupboard. I clung to the paperwork that…
"The problem with being a dad to a stillborn child is that people assume that because you are a man, you are somehow less affected by the loss," Nick told me the other night, "I'd like to write a blog post about it one day but I don't know where to start. How do you…
We were already running late for the school run when Ieuan looked up at me and asked me a simple question. "Mum? What do you think Evalyn will buy me for my birthday?" It is the hardest thing to look your child in the eye whilst trying to stop your own from filling with tears.…
Have you ever found yourself standing in a room and all you can think is I shouldn't be here? A few weeks after losing Evalyn, I stood in the funeral directors wanting to scream at the salmon-coloured walls. Why was I here? Why me? What had I done to deserve this? Why had life chosen…
Will you try for another baby? It's a question I've been asked alot. It's a question that I've thought about alot. But it is also a complicated question. When we lost Evalyn, I remember turning to Nick in the early hours when sleep just wouldn't come. "This can't be it," I told him, "I don't…
It was the first day of the year that felt like spring and the park was full. Everybody seemed to be taking advantage of the good weather and parents seemed eager to get their children out into the sunshine before it set for the day. I watched Ieuan pull himself up onto the climbing frame,…
Dear Evalyn, According to the calendar that hangs on the wall, it has been six months since we lost you. In my head, it only feels like yesterday. Six months. It is hard not to contemplate all of the things you would have already achieved had life let us keep you. You would have had…
After Evalyn 