"Congratulations," my text said, "Enjoy every moment with your little girl. Love to you all." I hit the send button, put my phone down on the table and cried. I think that was the moment I truly realised how much my attidude towards pregnancy and birth has changed since losing Evalyn only four short months…
To the ‘Man in the Van’ . . . .
To the man in the van who called out of his window at me on my way to pick my son up from school. To the man in the van who yelled the words, "Oi oi, sexy! - beeping his horn as he did so - Aww, smile love! Cheer up!!! It's not the the…
Surviving Mother’s Day . . . . (one rollercoaster at a time)!
There is no one 'type' of mother. There are the mother's who get to experience the joy of watching their children grow up. There are the mother's who must continue in this world with nothing but a memory and a broken heart. There are the mother's who love children not born to them as their…
The “This Time Last Year” Year
This time last year, I was in the very early stages of pregnancy with Evalyn. I think back to the woman I was then, the excitement I felt when I found out we were expecting. We had spent so many months being disappointed but there it was - two lines on the test!! - and…
Loss Through Little Eyes
As parents, our main aim is to protect our children. When they cry as newborns through those long nights, we go to them. When they scrape their knee and recoil at the sight of the red liquid on their skin, we're right there with a plaster. When they fall out with friends, we tell them it…
Dads . . . (you matter too)!
In the hours after my son's birth back in 2012, there are two things that I remember the most. The first was the shock I felt at becoming a new mother. I hadn't had the easiest labour. Ieuan was determined to stay inside of my tummy and had made us wait the whole 42 weeks…
Finding Hope In Rainbows
I never really used to notice rainbows. My son, Ieuan, was the one who'd get excited over the arch of colours that appeared in the sky. "Look, mum! LOOK!", he'd exclaim, his little face full of excitement, "Where do they come from?" "Well," I told him, "rainbows appear when it's sunny and rainy together. Rainbows…
“My Little Sister” (a poem)
I spent days after Evalyn's death looking through library bookshelves trying to find a story I could read to my four-year-old son so that he could understand a little better why his sister wasn't with us anymore. But I couldn't find a story that was right for him. Evalyn was stillborn. She was not ill.…
The Beginning of Grief
I remember the exact moment I realised she was gone. 4:02am. Tuesday 8th November. I'd had a slight niggle in my head when I'd fallen asleep that night. Had she moved much today? Yes, she had. I'd felt her. And besides, Evalyn sometimes had her quieter days and I'd kept track of her movements since…
After Evalyn 