Two Years Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you know what I've realised in the two years since I last held you in my arms? Two years feels like yesterday. We don't move on as grieving parents. We have to move forward as the world continues to turn - even if we are unsure of the direction - but we…

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Let’s Talk about Grief

Grief is so human and it hits everyone at one point or another, at least, in their lives. If you love, you will grieve, and that's just given - Kay Redfield Jamison   I thought I knew what grief was. The loss of family pets over the years and the death of my Grandfather when…

My Invisible Child

Dear Stranger, We haven't met yet. I'm not sure when that day will come. We may be standing next to eachother in the shopping queue or you may be on the next table over from us in a restaurant. Maybe you'll be the person sat next to me on a plane as we both travel…

Outside Of The Mums Club

** Trigger : This post speaks about pregnancy/parenting after loss**   When Ieuan was 3 weeks old, I took him to a local Mum and Baby group and realised one hour in that it just wasn't for me. Ieuan was a Summer baby with both colic and reflux and an impressive ability to scream for…

Teardrops and Two Lines

*TRIGGER WARNING . . . This blog talks about pregnancy after loss*   It was the early hours of the morning and I was sat on the windowsill of the hospital suite looking out across the courtyard at the opposite side of the building. I watched through the windows as life carried on outside of…

Opening The Memory Box

If someone asked me what I remember most about Evalyn, my answer would be simple; her hands. I remember the midwife taking her away immediately after birth at my request. I felt her leaving my body, saw a quick flash of her hair as the midwife swept her into her arms and out of the…

Flowers and Feelings

"They're beautiful!" I smiled at the delivery driver as she handed me the bouquet of flowers. I watched her walk back to her car before shutting the front door and turned to find Ieuan standing behind me. "Look at these!," I said to him, "Shall we go and find a nice vase to put them…

New Year Musings

On 31st December last year, I wrote the following in my diary: New Years Eve. It tends to be a day when people look back on the year they've just had and pick out their best moments. But for us, 2016, you have been nothing but turmoil. This year feels like a bad dream that…

Reflecting and Resurfacing

*TRIGGER* (This article talks about pregnancy after loss)   It was early morning and we were just walking out of one of the hospital rooms after a CTG when I saw it on the wall. It was a laminated picture of a blue and black butterfly and an explanation underneath informing people to remain quiet…

One Year Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…