Outside Of The Mums Club
** Trigger : This post speaks about pregnancy/parenting after loss** When Ieuan was 3 weeks old, I took him to a local Mum and Baby group and realised one hour in that it just wasn't for me. Ieuan was a Summer baby with both colic and reflux and an impressive ability to scream for…
The Impact Of Stillbirth
Trigger: This post speaks about pregnancy after loss. The other day, I found myself sorting through some of Evalyn's paperwork. It's crazy to think that after 16 months, I am still finding little pieces around the house which all lead back to one thing . . . Her. This time, it was her maternity…
The Blues
**Trigger Warning: This post talks about Pregnancy After Loss ** It took me a long time to love my son. With hindsight, that seems like an inconcievable thought. I look at him now as the beautiful five-year-old that he is and can't imagine a world with him not in it. But back then, in…
One Year Without You
Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…
Finding Hope In Rainbows
I never really used to notice rainbows. My son, Ieuan, was the one who'd get excited over the arch of colours that appeared in the sky. "Look, mum! LOOK!", he'd exclaim, his little face full of excitement, "Where do they come from?" "Well," I told him, "rainbows appear when it's sunny and rainy together. Rainbows…
The Beginning of Grief
I remember the exact moment I realised she was gone. 4:02am. Tuesday 8th November. I'd had a slight niggle in my head when I'd fallen asleep that night. Had she moved much today? Yes, she had. I'd felt her. And besides, Evalyn sometimes had her quieter days and I'd kept track of her movements since…
After Evalyn 