Dear Evalyn, I remember visiting your special place last Christmas. I remember the heaviness that weighed down on my chest and I have come to realise over this year that this is the feeling of missing you. I remember families who had ventured to the same woods walking by where we stood, probably wondering to…
Reflecting and Resurfacing
*TRIGGER* (This article talks about pregnancy after loss) It was early morning and we were just walking out of one of the hospital rooms after a CTG when I saw it on the wall. It was a laminated picture of a blue and black butterfly and an explanation underneath informing people to remain quiet…
Hello, Little One . . . .
**** TRIGGER WARNING **** On 8th November 2016, our lives were changed forever when our Evalyn was born sleeping. Nothing can quite prepare you for the impact the loss of a baby has on your lives and we have spent the past year grieving Evalyn, missing Evalyn and trying to raise awareness for…
One Year Without You
Dear Evalyn, Do you remember when we said our last Goodbye? It was around 12:30pm on the 9th November last year. I was sitting on the hospital bed and you were there in front of me lying wrapped up in your little moses basket. You looked so perfect, so beautiful and in that moment I…
Triggers
"A trigger in psychology is a stimulus such as a smell, sound or sight that triggers feelings of trauma." I folded the clothes neatly into a pile and placed them into the bag ready to go to the charity shop. Some of the jumpers were nearly new and had only been worn a handful of…
Finding Humour In Grief
The room that was already small was made to feel even smaller by the fact there were already two other families waiting in it. The receptionist had called it a 'waiting room' but I was pretty sure that at one time throughout history it had actually been a cupboard. I clung to the paperwork that…
My Happy Challenge
Ieuan made me laugh last week and as I caught a glimpse of myself in my bedroom mirror, I didn't recognise the woman smiling back. It was at this point that I realised that I don't laugh as much as I used to. Grief will do that to you. There have been times when I…
Breaking Down and Building Up
I watched Ieuan carefully examining his birthday present. "What does the tag say?" I asked him. He squinted down at my handwriting as he began to sound out the words. "To Ieuan, love . . . . . . EVALYN!" He quickly unwrapped the paper and pulled the little brown teddy from the packaging. I…
The “This Time Last Year” Year
This time last year, I was in the very early stages of pregnancy with Evalyn. I think back to the woman I was then, the excitement I felt when I found out we were expecting. We had spent so many months being disappointed but there it was - two lines on the test!! - and…
“My Little Sister” (a poem)
I spent days after Evalyn's death looking through library bookshelves trying to find a story I could read to my four-year-old son so that he could understand a little better why his sister wasn't with us anymore. But I couldn't find a story that was right for him. Evalyn was stillborn. She was not ill.…
After Evalyn 