The November Entries

It goes against the grain of everything a diary should be when you decide to share the words within it. Secret. Confidential. Protected. For your eyes only. This particular diary isn't one I go back to often. After all, there's no need. I know the words that reside within them. Little passages of time that…

The Things I Wish My Husband Had Known

In my mind, I can still picture my husband standing in shock. I can still remember wanting to reach out to him, to utter words that would bring him comfort. But no words came. Hindsight. It is both beautiful and a curse. Because now I know the words I would have said to him yet…

Three Years Without You

Dear Evalyn, Time itself tells us that it can heal us of our grief. That 'in time', we may not hurt as much. But I'm sitting here three years after I last held you in my arms and my tears still find a way to fall onto the letters as I type. Because three years…

Explanations

I was never prepared for the questions our four year old son asked us after Evalyn died. Why couldn't your tummy keep her alive, Mummy? Did she not love us enough to stay? Was she sad when she had to leave? He processed her death in the innocent way his mind knew how, and yet,…

Until next year, November

Dear November, I'm going to be honest with you, you're not my favourite month of the year. In fact, for myself, you represent a time of pain, grief, loss and unknowing. I know it's not your fault, but I really don't like you. Last year I managed to avoid you to the best of my…

Two Years Without You

Dear Evalyn, Do you know what I've realised in the two years since I last held you in my arms? Two years feels like yesterday. We don't move on as grieving parents. We have to move forward as the world continues to turn - even if we are unsure of the direction - but we…